Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
