8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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