Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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