mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
