he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
