maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
