never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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