okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
