he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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