Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
