I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
