I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
