We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
