I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
