My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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