apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
