Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just invented taco cereal.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
