My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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