You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
zippers are such a cool invention
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
