I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
