So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
