big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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