I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
