why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
