My first STD was from a foam party
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
