I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
