i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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