I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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