3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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