I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
