Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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