Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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