I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize