so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
