Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
