you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
