Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
