6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
