We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
