'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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