everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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