I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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