I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
