please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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