Fuck appropriateness.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
