The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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