Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
