so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
