***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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