Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
