i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
did you just send me my own nude
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize