remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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