I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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