You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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