YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize