I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
