Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
