I heard we made out
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
