As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize