I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
