We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
