its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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