The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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