are you still at the devil's house?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
