is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
