i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
