id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
