i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize