one might say we're banned from that church
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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