I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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