he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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