We're facebook friends in real life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
