Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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