My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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