mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She bit a glass in half.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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