Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
