I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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