Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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